A letter to anyone that eats in our kitchen.

Dear kitchen friends,

You all seem like lovely people and it has been a great term getting to know you guys. I thank you for coming out your room occasionally to say hello because it is sometimes nice to have human contact here at Imperial.

I just have a few concerns about the way that we are handling our kitchen at the moment- and by “we” I mean most of you. Okay I will admit that I occasionally may leave a piece of pasta on the floor if it drops but I have never poured my whole beef casserole down the kitchen sink! Who even does that? You do.

Maybe I am just being a bit annoying and pedantic about this but maybe it would be nice if whoever is making coffee in the kettle could please stop. I can tell that you are trying to be nice and make coffee for everyone but sometimes it makes my morning a bit harder because I have to wash out your coffee beans out the kettle. I appreciate your generosity though.

After the elusive ham-burglar on 2nd floor I can understand that kitchen security would be stepped up. I did indeed put a padlock on my cupboard and set the combination to 000. I would just like to thank whoever managed to reset this combination leading me to have to become “Bob the Builder” with the Hall’s tool kit to get a plate out my own cupboard. However, the nicest gesture was when someone saw my cupboard was padlock-less after this incident so put a new padlock on for me. It just may have been nice if you had given me the key to open this new padlock. Next time?

Come Dine With Me. This was fun at first. The “society” that shall not be named cook their lovely noodles and curries once a week. I just have two minor issues with this game-show now.

1) It makes it a bit uncomfortable to do my own cooking in the kitchen when all 40 of you are having a buffet…all evening.

2) You have managed to book come dine with me on a Thursday night. Our kitchen gets cleaned on Thursdays and Saturdays. This means that the stir fry decorating the table tops doesn’t get cleaned up until Saturday morning. But I guess it is no big deal.

So all I am trying to say is that even though I love you all, maybe we (you) should begin to not leave fridge doors open, urinate in the fairy liquid bottles, pour water on the floor for no good reason and especially please try to refrain from stealing the glass plate from inside the microwave again. Apart from this I look forward to spending two more terms with all of you hygienic chefs. And remember: Sharing is Caring!

Kind regards,

Mala Mawkin


P.S. Shout-out to Comfort the cleaner for her wise words of wisdom and reassurance whilst I wrote this article. She is one of many people I have met here that provides me with…comfort. (Get it?!)


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