Sorry, these days I really have a bad mood, and gona write something to release my stress.
I am such a person who never wants to let others down, so I always choose to be strict to myself, and try my best to do everything. As you may know from my last blogs, I am interested in my laboratory work, which excited me a lot. However, I may exert too much pressure on myself, which now makes me feel a little hard. Every day, I get up early, and cook breakfast quickly, and then go to college. Since I live a little far from school, it will take me 1 hour to arrive. So I have to get up at around 7 am, actually which is too hard for me to get up so early, since I feel tired and need enough sleep. Every day life is busy, I can have a short break just for lunch. These days, I always leave school at 8 pm. And nearly the whole day I am standing and working, running experiment one by one. Sometimes I really feel tired, and hope time can pass quickly. After school, it is already very dark outside, I have to go back home alone, actually I have to let music accompany myself. During the whole day, only the time I go to school and back home I can feel relaxed, and I would like to plug earphone and addict to music world. Though it is cold and dark, because of music, I can not feel lonely. But I have to say I really feel a little exhausted.
After back home, it is already 9 pm, but I have to cook dinner and lunch for the next day. You can imagine how tired I am. However, I have to conquer all of these problem, and I know only myself can help and support my own life. After cooking and some cleaning work, it is usually 10 pm, I really want to go bed, or have fun. But sometime, maybe I have to plan or prepare for the next day’s work. It is not easy for me to live such kind of life every day.
Sometimes on my way home, I can not help wondering if I have made a right decision to study abroad. If I still study in my own country, it is definately much easier for me, since I do not have to cook by myself every time, do cleaning work every day, spend so much time on transportation between school and home, think more about time and money budget, miss family and friends very much, feel lonely sometime, facing problem like culture shock, feel sad for can not listen and speak English very well. Too many things need to be done and think, and conquer. And the bad thing is that I can not talk to my family in China, since I do not want them to worry about me, so I have to face all of these by myself. Though I face them, I believe I have made the right decision to study abroad, which renders me a good opportunity to improve myself. I always think after this year, I will become stronger in many aspects of my life, which is fantastic.
Nowadays, I am also facing a big problem about phd application. Since I am an oversea student, it is extreamly hard for me to get funding to persue phd degree there. And if there is not funding, I can not realize my dream and study more. It is too bad.
I will insist my life and my work, hope everything will be OK:)