I think I should change the name of this blog to “So, this post was SUPPOSED to be about this but actually….” because I swear it’s my catchphrase on here. In true Fi fashion, this blog was supposed to be about life as a medical student, I was going to give a brief summary of the six years and the stuff you do, and how your week is structured. And of course, it’s not. (Tomorrow yo, I promise.)

It’s actually about why I don’t use my Twitter anymore, because these are the sort of things that run through my mind, in a 24hour (ish) time frame. Don’t judge.

How have I not had cheese in my fridge for two and a half weeks?!?! Have I been MENTAL?!?! Cheese is amazing!!!

I feel like I should have baked you a celebration cake with “Congrats for ending it with your loser bf!!!!” and candles.

Take your Emo gloves, put them on a mug, give it a sad face, and drink black coffee from it.

I just need to pet some fluffy animals. Ducklings will do.

Tiny delicate surgery on tiny delicate people. It’s like my crack.

I had a weird dream last night. I was married to a woman and she wanted a divorce and I was very sad and thought “Oh well, better get started on being alone with seven camels. Sigh.”

I need a hot sweet foamy coffee. Stat.

Hey, I only wanted to vaguely entertain people.

Mmm Pret lattes in different flavours. This sounds nice. Maybe I should have the Very Berry one.

Eurgh. Never drink a Very Berry Pret Latte.

Freshers done, final years done, fourth years done AND third years?!? Dayumn. Clearly this is why fifth and second years are supposed to the hardest, they just NEVER END.

Why did I get on the tube in rush hour? Because I am an idiot.

I need a hot sweet foamy coffee. Stat.

With a muffin.

Just watched the Hobbit 2 trailer with a friend. Think we made noises only bats can hear.

Friend’s toughest decision of life: David Tennant or Ewan McGregor. My solution: Neither, Benedict Cumberbatch.

Oh lovely, typical English summer, torrential rain.

Hey I don’t care that it’s raining, haha English weather, because my hair was already frizzy today!!! I have officially won the battle!

Rain blowing diagonally into the bus shelter. Nevermind, clearly the weather wins again.

“Sorry I’m a bit murderous without my tea” “Or even with tea. I just can’t stop murdering people!” “Oh well, everyone needs a hobby!”

Who are these people in SAF!?! Literally.

I needs hot sweet foamy coffee. Stat.

Ooh Pret almond croissant, I love Pret almond croissants…NOM NOM NOM.

Woman at bus stop, stop judging me eating this almond croissant like a savage. You are just jealous of my croissant.

Have taken too big of a bite of croissant, and nearly choked. Damn it why have I chosen to neeed the Heimlich at the one time in my week I am furthest from a hospital/bevy of over-enthusiastic medical students?!?!

Caitlin Moran is literally the coolest person on the planet. Literally.

This book makes so much sense!!!

Yes Caitlin Moran, the bare minimum I want from MY shoes is that I can dance in them and not get murdered, same as you!!! See, we have so much alike!!

I might want a pair or two to be sparkly though.

I have such a crush in you, Caitlin Moran, it’s a pity you’re married

Maybe I should have been a pastry chef. Or Evil Empress of the World.

Oh wait, that’s my ten year plan, that I have revealed. Oops.

Not feeling well at the moment so I’m currently at home in my sweats, taking a bit of a break. I thought it would be a good time to blog, not much else to do.

I’ve had a pretty interesting last week, and have managed to splash it all over Facebook, in a rather showy manner. Now everyone has that Facebook friend who checks in to these amazing exotic locales and makes everyone else jealous (Auntie Jo I’m looking at you. Actually that’s a pretty good way of seeing if she reads this…) and I think I may have been that friend this past week and a bit.

Last Saturday I went to the Durell Arms, a really lovely pub in Fulham (bottom of Munster Road, near Parsons Green) which does INSANE Bloody Mary’s, a good selection of beer/ale/cider and a soul band on a Saturday night. Unfortunately I missed the soul band, but I did get to meet some nice people, from my old stomping grounds, Brussels, and practice my French/Spanish. And maybe see Christine Bleakley…

The next day I went to Camden Market. I love Camden, I think it calls to the hippie/weirdo in me, and I have an embarassingly large number of clothes from there. But my favourite part, hands down, is the liquid nitrogen ice cream bar, Chin Chin Labs. It’s the only one in Europe, the ice cream is unbelievable (and I’ve eaten a lot of ice cream, so trust me on this), they change the flavours all the time, it’s all homemade, and there’s billows of dry ice. What’s not to like?

Try the chocolate, or their flavour of the moment. And ask their recommendations for the toppings, you can't go wrong

Monday I took my boyfriend to his birthday treat. He’s a drummer and loves pizza, we both love jazz, so I decided to find somewhere that combines all three. Of course I chose the Pizza Express Jazz Club in Soho, a special night of the Beatles music done as jazz, with an internationally renowned jazz drummer. The food was good, the music sensational, and the company was, as usual, sparkling.

If you like jazz. Just go. Honestly. It's seriously inexpensive and one of the best nights I've had in London. Full stop.

Then for his actual birthday on Friday, we had a curry with his friends at Bangalore (mmm spicy and delicious), most of whom I met for the first time then, so I hope I didn’t weird them out too much. And then we went up the Shard. Yup, that giant glass building at London Bridge. All the way to floor 69 for the view. And what a view.

It was a bit wet, but visibility was great, and we saw all the way to South Ken and Queen's Tower!

We saw the sunset and then the view by night, and it’s amazing. Just jaw-dropping. So clear, and it was so quiet up in the viewing area, despite everyone else there. Really great.

It's better at night we decided.

__________________________________________

On another note, my friend Hannah and I are inquiring about people who’d like to live with us next year. They’d have to be lovely but crazy, because we’re madder than a sack full of monkeys. Thinking about it, we’re a little like Christina and Meredith from Greys Anatomy, so we’re looking for an Izzie, a George, or a Lexie. (Not a Karev though, unfortunately we’re both taken.) Message me if you’re interested, and I shall remind you of the many baked goods that I provide…

Heart racing, palms sweating, pupils dilated, hands shaking, the physical signs of fear. We talk about Fight or Flight all the time, that evolutionary remnant from when we had to be constantly alert for danger. The basic premise is that your hindbrain evaluates the threat at hand and chooses whether it would be best to attack or defend yourself (Fight) or run away (Flight), without you having to make a conscious decision. There’s another option, that’s not discussed as frequently: Freeze. This was extremely important when we were stalked by predators with poor visual acuity but good motion detection, freezing in place could effectively render us invisible. Not as useful nowadays.

The kind of vicious predator we had to defend ourselves against. I would definitely choose Flight.

I do something called Krav Maga, which is a military inspired martial arts/self defence technique, lots of fun and a great workout. Krav is a bit different to other martial arts as its main aim is to either avoid confrontation, or if that’s not possible, “Maximum effectiveness and efficiency in order to neutralize the opponent as quickly as possible.”* It also encourages dirty fighting, ladies, groin kicks and nail gouging is encouraged.┬áMy Krav Maga instructor talked about Freeze a lot this week. as it can be incredibly dangerous if you’re attacked, and we work a lot towards stopping Freeze, by practicing techniques or trying out stressful situations or worst case scenarios. But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be scared of a guy running at you with a knife, no matter how practiced you are, just that you should be able to react to it.

The best thing I've been taught so far is definitely the proper way to knee someone in the groin. Note the look of intense pain on the guy's face...

I guess in a roundabout way this blog is talking about fear. I’m scared of a lot of things, from the very sensible “What if I’ve failed my exams?!” to the less sensible dinosaurs, and sharks, failure, rejection, and ending up alone with seven camels (cats don’t like me, camels is a perfectly valid alternative). And yeah fear’s normal and it’s there to protect us, if Jurassic Park ever happens, I will not be going anywhere near it, and therefore will be safe from the Tyrannosaurus Rexes. The problem is that it can stop you doing fun, amazing, exhilarating things, like travelling or trying new food or in my case this week, auditioning for the ICSM Summer Ball Band. I love to sing but find auditions unbelievably terrifying, and hate rejection, so I had to be practically pushed into it, and then very very nearly chickened out at the last minute. I did though, and it wasn’t a trainwreck, so I count that as a massive success, even though I don’t think I’ll get in. At least I did it!

I'm mostly a jazz singer, and although I wish I sounded like Ella but unfortunately I don't.

*Thanks Wikipedia for this quote. If anyone would like to know some more about Krav, go Google it! There’s also a club that meets in Hammersmith, where I go, and a few other ICSM people do too, great fun and hugely stress relieving.

Insomnia sucks.

Tuesday night 5 hours, Wednesday night 3 hours, Thursday night 6 hours, Friday night 3 hours, Saturday night 8 hours (8!!!!!!), Sunday night 6 hours and then Monday night 0 hours.

Yeah, I’m not a doctor and I can tell you that’s not a healthy sleep schedule. I fell asleep in my first lecture yesterday and then nearly fell asleep in martial arts. Standing up. Holding a punching bag.

Sometimes things just go round and round in your head and you can’t get them out. And sometimes you’ve spent so long hyped up over something and you get used to it and subsist on coffee and anxiety. Staring at the ceiling/TV reruns gets boring after a while, so very early Tuesday morning, 5am, I went for a walk.

This is sunset but the same idea, although the river was more calm, like a mirror

Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere warmer or sunnier or lower rent but I can’t deny I live somewhere beautiful. Yes there’s a lot of grey and not much open sky, but I’m a city girl, I need the concrete under my feet. And a glorious May early morning by the Thames is downright beautiful.

Really wish I'd brought my proper camera, maybe the next insomnia excursion

And then I sat in Costa and drank a large latte and went to lectures. It sucked, only mitigated by my helpfully early-riser boyfriend texting me, an extremely sweet coffee and a BLT. Yum,

Anyways, I managed to sleep for 12 hours last night and now I finally feel more human, and I don’t require a caffeine IV, as fun as that would be. I guess the moral of the story is don’t let yourself get into a vicious insomnia cycle, or if you do, punch things until you get so tired you literally can’t stand. See, this blog is educational! Sort of…

 

FINALLY done exams, congrats 2nd years, we survived. Sort of. I’m still in that semi-sleep-deprived, emotionally labile, can’t-quite-calm-down haze, and I’ve been trying to break myself out of it. To that end I just spent the afternoon having a lovely picnic in Hyde Park with my friends, the weather was beautiful, the baked goods plentiful and the company charming. Except for you boys, you know who you are.

Pretty much like this. Bliss...

After exams you don’t really have the excuse of stress and revision to account for your insanity. You’re supposed to become this sane rational person again, and as I’m not sane at the best of times I’ve been having some issues with this.

See I appear to be a fairly mature individual, most of the time, and I do enjoy a lot of the trappings of being a grown up (independence, alcohol, not living with your parents) but one of the main things I hate about growing up is that sometimes you have to do things you really don’t want to. Usually they reap rewards further down the line (eating vegetables, studying for exams) and sometimes they just have to be done (paying bills), but there’s a lot of not fun stuff about being an adult. And frankly today all I wanted to do was have a temper tantrum. Luckily I’ve resisted. So far.

As a good friend of mine said, "Fi, you don't do passive aggression. You're just plain aggressive". Unfortunately true

I’ve had to do a lot of unpleasant adult stuff recently and the fact I’ve done it is largely down to my awesome boyfriend. He’s the voice of rationality telling me to put down the ice cream and not write that catty Facebook message, that no I shouldn’t do an all-nighter before my last exam, that it’s impossible to subsist on caffeine alone and that I should perhaps cut back on the muffins. Without his (maddeningly) calm and (insanely) logical help, I would be in a lot worse shape, I mean I didn’t enjoy being adult and I complained a lot, but I’ve (sort of) been mature recently.

Except for eating the emergency ice cream last night, but we’ll forget that small hiccup…

So yeah, thanks Will, for being my voice of reason, for introducing me to the ENTIRE Aretha Franklin collection and Woodford Reserve, and for letting me have the last of the aubergine dip on Saturday night. And for the suits. The suits are amazing. Keep the suits.

Isn't he lovely? He can salsa too :)