So it’s been a month or so since I last posted…you might be asking….why? why the delay? You promised us blogs, and shed loads of them! To you, I apologise, but through this month I’ve learnt one key concept in life, one issue of paramount importance that is often bombarded at us from all corners of modern life – Health and Safety.
Picture this, it’s an idle Tuesday, my work hasn’t been going according to plan and the sluggish morning has paved the way for a dull afternoon. I thought I’d leave work early. I say that, I left work at 5:30 – so sue me.
From Imperial, the South Kensington and Gloucester Road London Underground stations provide the westbound and eastbound Picaddilly and Circle/District Lines. My trip back home to Wembley involves the underground Picaddilly and Jubilee Line. The benefits of being underground is that eerie half-hour isolation from global and local telecommunications – we are shut from the noisy world of internet, phonecalls, family and friends.
However, it was only when I was overground that I got the phonecall – my Father had fell from thr loft, dislocated and broken his foot and ankle, and there was no blood circulating to his foot. Commence Hollywood-style rush-home. To the remaining story is a tale of pain, perserverance, depression, love, family and friendship. All that’s missing to make a Hollywood blockbuster is a twenty mile 18-wheeler car chase scene and Mila Kunis.
For those that have been affected by the issues raised by this blog…
He’s recovering now, but what have I learnt in these past few weeks – other than trying to climb into the loft on a “reasonably-steady” ladder with no one around to help you out is a bad bad idea? I’ve learnt that any risk is indeed a risk – analyse the situation and be patient. I’ve noticed so many common actions people make that really do not make sense:
1. STAND BEHIND THE FREAKING YELLOW LINE PEOPLE.
It’s there for a reason. If you want to be a daredevil, join the circus. I don’t want to live in a city populated by people who have an utter disregard for the importance of their life and the people that share it. Do you not have family? Do you not have friends? Were you born a hidden trapeze artist and feel the need to show off your skills every Wednesday morning before my weekly lab meeting? With the ease at which I have seen people get startled by simply hearing me talk to someone on the Underground – I fear for your composure.
Take a few steps back – literally – and assess the situation. God help you if you fall down and I am late to work. If the electrified train track don’t kill you – I just might.
2. TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS
The photograph you see before is a ledge – specifically the Science Museum ledge near to the Exhibition Road entrance to Imperial. I have on countless occasions seen children ‘trapeze’-walk up and down this ledge again and again, in front of their parents. Don’t get me wrong, I love a ‘trapeze’-walk as a kid, I still do (when nobody’s watching) – but my parents knew that when there’s a plunge involved, leave it the professionals.
I can’t help but be reminded of this kid – remember him? The kid in Superman II who honestly must be the most retarded guy in the history of the planet. This kid would still have a lower IQ than a Jordan and Karl Pilkington lovechild. For those who don’t remember, this vacant and futile individual thought it reasonable to play with the Niagra Falls railings from the other side. Count his blessings the Man of Steel was around to save the day.
3. YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE LEWIS HAMILTON. AND YOU CAN’T DRIVE LIKE HIM EITHER.
This one bothers me the most – Aggressive Drivers. I’ll put my hand up and say that two years or so ago, I had a few months of driving like Schumacher in his prime. However, this taught me one thing – how exactly do arses drive.
There are indicators to the left of your steering wheel. They’re not there so you can outsmart Dolph, Jimbo Jones, Kearny and Nelson (the Simpsons’ high school bullies) using the classic Bart Simpson technique. No, they’re there so I can know whether I can cross or not.
As always you can always click the link below and get a gentle reminder for when I bother to write another one of these blog entries…
Keep it safe 😉